“Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones,
but Words Will Never Hurt Me.

You were lied to. Yes, those adults (teachers, parents, Sunday school teachers) who told you to trust them flat out LIED to you. Oh, I am sure that they meant well. In fact, I would bet that they were told the same lie when they were young.

The lie is that words do hurt you – in fact, I would go as far as to say that some words are so powerful that they have the potential to actually KILL you!

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

The dictionary definition of ‘kill’ is to deprive of life in any manner; to put an end to; to defeat.

Throughout my years of coaching, I have seen client after client whose emotions, spirit, belief in themselves, and hope for a wonderful life were shattered and destroyed by words they were told when they were a child. As a result, the joy of creativity and performing is defeated.

Most of you would agree that words can hurt others. Yet, I am talking here about words that we tell ourselves as adults that continue to ‘kill’ our dreams, aspirations and potential – whether in our creative endeavors, our relationships and in our ability to perform at the highest level.

Each day, as you say any of the following words to yourself, you get closer and closer to killing off who you are and might become.

Here are 5 words that kill. In my next Post I will share 6 more ‘killer’ words.

1. “Wishing and Hoping”

Dionne Warwick said it right when she sang that if we sit around and wish and hope for good things to come into our lives, we will be waiting a very long time. As she states, “Wishing and hoping won’t get you into his arms…show him that you care, do the things…hold him…” How often do we wish for what we want rather than go out and get it? These words will kill your chances for getting what you want.

2. “Maybe”

“Maybe” is a very safe word that will quietly destroy any possibility of creative spontaneity or joy in your life. It’s what I call the ‘gray zone’ in life where a lack of commitment to go for it kills your chances to discover new worlds. It holds you back from the necessary ‘Yes’ that leads to amazing accomplishments.

“One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to
lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” ~Andre Gide

3. “What if…”

Looking ahead in anxious anticipation will kill off any chance of experiencing the present moment. So often we miss what is right in front of us by nervously looking ahead in fear. Learning to say “So what!” as you step out of fear leads to taking creative charge of yourself. (See my Post for more on this.)

4. “Yes”

Often we say “yes” to others out of a fear of being rejected. Without the ability to say a clear, simple and firm “No” we run the risk of losing ourselves and becoming extensions of what others want or think is best for us. Pursue you creative dreams without by saying “No” to anything that slows you down or dilutes your focus. (For tips on becoming more assertive, see my Post )

5. “Getting ready…”

My wife Ramona often tells me that I seem to always be ‘getting ready’ to do my work rather than actually doing the task! In fact, sometimes you might even catch me getting ready to get ready! Are you letting fear or the desire to get it just right keep you from starting? What would you accomplish if you stopped getting ready and committed to doing something consistently?

In order to move ahead, whether as an artist, performer or in life, begin to listen for these 5 killer words that you tell yourself. As I often say to my clients, the bad news is that the obstacle is in your head. The good news is that the solution is also in your head – you can begin to change the words that have defeated you in the past! You can take charge of your inner conversation and move forward.

Question: What words do you tell yourself that create inner obstacles and gets in the way of achieving the things that matter to you? Please share your comments below.