The holiday season is upon us, yet, for so many, that means becoming stressed and even anxious when in social situations. Instead of it being a time of joy, just being around others can lead to anxious moments and even avoidance of events and opportunities. The desire to feel accepted while staying present in the moment can conflict with the fear of doing and saying just the right thing.

The following strategies have helped me over the years to manage and overcome holiday stress and social anxiety. Whether it’s participating in holiday activities, being around crowds in the mall or while at a stressful family gathering, these ten tips can help you can navigate social situations more comfortably and with less anxiety.

1. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection, set achievable goals for social interactions. Celebrate small victories, like initiating a conversation or speaking up in a group, to boost confidence gradually.

2. Practice Positive Self-Talk: Challenge negative thoughts. Quiet your inner, critical self-talk. Replace anxious thoughts with more rational and positive ones. Remind yourself of past successes and focus on your strengths.

3. Breathe and Relax: Practice deep breathing or mindfulness exercises to calm your mind. These techniques can help regulate your body’s response to anxiety, making it easier to cope in social settings.

“If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.“ ~ Jim Rohn

Throughout my 40 years of working with entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, writers, executives and performance artists, I have never had anyone tell me,

“Please help me to become a mediocre performer.”

“I’ve noticed that I am becoming WAY too creative in my art, I need to slow it down a bit.”

“Can you teach me some ways to stay anxious as a writer?”

“You know Dr. Nick, my business is going too well. Can you help me become a little less effective with the clients that I work with?”

Not once has anyone asked to be helped to stay on the path to mediocrity. Yet, so often our creative lives are defined in terms of safety, lack of risk-taking and just “getting through” comfortably.

An outrageous and creative life doesn’t settle. It doesn’t put up with things being just ‘okay’.

“Change and growth takes place when a person has
risked themselves and dares to experiment with their own life.”
~ Philosopher Herbert Otto

Outrageous living is not comfortable. It is not ‘safe’. It does not look around to see if others are approving or if they are pleased by our behavior. An outrageously creative life is extraordinary, unconventional and bold.

At times, our ideas for our work will seem unthinkable and will exceed the limits of what others see as usual and ‘normal’ behavior. Outrageous means we are exceeding the bounds of what may seem reasonable or expected by those living a life of safety or of pleasing others.

Outrageous creativity is BOLD – we are not afraid to stand out. We are fearless, self-assured and confident.

“If things seem under control, you are just not going fast enough.” ~ Mario Andretti

Outrageous creativity contains a daring spirit, is adventurous and ultimately is free. A person committed to outrageous living makes bold choices, thinks big, refuses to be confined out of fear and is free of judgment and a myriad of ‘the shoulds’.

Helen Keller described just this kind of outrageous living when she said,

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeated.”

Are you beginning to see the picture of what outrageous creativity looks like? I believe that, in fact, it is the picture of what you looked like as a creative child before you began to be afraid, before you gave up a life of outrageous risk-taking in order to please those around you and gain their approval. It has been said that,

“People do not know how to be outrageous anymore.”

While vacationing at the beach several years ago, I noticed a little girl, no more than 3 years old, standing near the water line on the beach. She stood there watching the water come in and then, as it headed back out, she would let out a bloodcurdling scream and run towards the retreating water. As soon as her feet hit the cold water as it came back towards her, she would let out another scream and run back towards the sand. Yet, accompanying her scream was a HUGE smile on her face! She was bold and going for it – even while it was scaring her to death! Up and down, over and over she would run to the water, scream and run away laughing hysterically every single time!

No one had yet taught her to play it safe, to not take a chance, to sit and watch the other kids have fun. She was determined to live outrageously – bold and willing to risk it all.

When was it that you stopped running towards the creative thing that scared you? When did you give up going for what seemed impossible? Where did your boldness go?

Outrageous creativity includes bloodcurdling screams while going for your dreams with a huge smile on your face.

If performance anxiety, a fear of public speaking or creative blocks have held you back from achieving the things that matter to you, then check out my community, the Fearless for Life Academy, by clicking here.

Life is not simple. In fact, if you are challenged with anxiety, whether it is caused by a fear of speaking, getting on a stage, going to a social event or simply feeling overall safe in the world, overcoming your fears can feel overwhelming.

Most will avoid the situation that triggers the fear – “If I don’t go to the event or speak in front of others, then I won’t get anxious.”

You know what? That strategy works. Every time. Yet, there is usually a price to be paid for avoiding situations that are important to our career, business or life in general.

I’d like to suggest that you adopt a new formula whenever you find yourself frozen with fear and having a decision to make.

E + R = O

This is a formula I learned from Jack Canfield (author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series) during a training with him years ago.

At first it may seem too simple yet, as I will share, it can be a powerful formula to apply in any situation that creates stress.

The drive of productive and successful performers and speakers usually outweighs their self-doubts. In fact, my experience in coaching is that they actually have as many or more doubts than the next person!

Yet, the inner necessity to create and perform can gain the upper hand over inner self-questioning and doubt.

So, what exactly is this drive that can overcome doubt? Pure ambition? A passion for doing your best? A deep need for self-expression?

Whatever it is – and it may be different artist to artist or performer to performer – personal drive is the defining feature of those who desire to put themselves (and their art, speaking presentation or performance) into the world.

I would like to share with you four powerful principles used by performers and speakers at the top of their game that will lead you towards what I describe as an ‘outrageous performer’.

Key # 1- Let your pursuit of excellence be the primary driving force

Ask yourself,

“Do I expect excellence and have a burning desire to achieve it in my life as a creative?”

Throughout any normal day, but especially during times of stress and anxious anticipation, your mind gets further and further away from being still and in the moment – it’s like your mind goes on autopilot and we aren’t even aware that we are not truly present.

This can often result in feelings of anxiety or fearful overthinking.

Using the practice of quieting the mind will help settle yourself back into a calm presence.

When you become focused and relaxed, you are more present and less anxious while becoming more productive and grounded in the moment (versus living in the future of “What if…”).

Quieting the mind begins with being aware that you are not in the moment and then stopping what you are doing in order to commit just a few minutes to being present.

As you slow down for these minutes, notice how this feels in your mind.

What would happen to your business, performance or life, if you could create a perspective that would lead to powerful and amazing results?

“Every picture tells a story, don’t it…” ~ Rod Stewart

I know an artist. Not just any artist. An amazing artist. Oh, and she happens to be my wife, Ramona. She has an eye for what works and what doesn’t.

I watch her in her studio as she takes a blank canvas and, over time, transforms it into something magical (VictorianNoel). After what seems to be a zillion hours of work, she shows me what I believe is the final piece. I tell her it’s time to put it out to the world so others can share in its magic.

Instead, I hear these words, “It’s not finished yet. I need to put it in a frame.” So, I offer to run to the art store to quickly grab a frame for her latest piece. “No,” she says,

“Picking the right frame makes all of the difference in the world.”

And she is right (as she usually is!). The frame she chooses can either make the picture look ‘okay’ or pop and come alive.

The frame matters.

It matters not only in art, it matters in every area of our life. How I choose to frame what I see or even believe makes all of the difference in the world.

A recent Harvard University 8-year study confirmed how critical it is how we frame things. In fact, they concluded that how we see a particular set of circumstances can be the difference between life and death.

The study included 30,000 people who reported having a lot of stress in their lives. This group had a 43% increased chance of dying prematurely.

But …

As you probably know, overthinking can significantly get in the way of a relaxed and joyful life. You do not have to live this way, however. Here are 10 tips to help you move from being an overthinker to someone with a more calm and balanced mindset:

1. Catch Yourself – Identify Triggers: When do you start overthinking the most? Recognize situations, topics, or times when you tend to overthink. Keeping a journal to track these patterns can be beneficial. Jot these moments down so you can be ready to fight back next time.

2. Practice Mindfulness (Stay in the present): Meditation, deep breaths, even just focusing on your body – anything to bring yourself back to now. These techniques focus attention on the present moment and help stop your mind from getting stuck in a thought loop, promoting non-judgmental awareness of your thoughts.

3. Schedule Your Worries: Feeling overwhelmed? Give yourself a short, specific time each day to worry. Then, move on and enjoy your day. You can worry later if you really need to.

4. Challenge Thought Patterns: When overthinking arises, question the validity and helpfulness of your worries. Is that tiny, critical voice in your head telling you the truth, or just being dramatic? Challenge your negative thoughts and see if they actually hold up.