Monthly Archives: October 2019

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Cut the Rope, Get Present and Start Living! (Encore Post)

As I write these words, I struggle to stay present. My mind wants to remind me of everything I have coming up, things that I should be thinking about, planning, and worrying over.

Live on Purposr Photo

Yet, as I focus on the future it interferes with right now, with this very moment. In fact, I realize that thinking about the future while living in the present is not even possible.

I cannot live in two places at the same time!

The future distracts me, it leads me down a path where there is precious little under my control. While living in the future, I hear words such as “What if…  I should…  I need to.” There is very little positive or productive thinking in these words. The future is out of my control.

However, when I am in the present, really in the moment, things get done. Articles get written, art is created, goals are met, creative business ideas are achieved, and real life is experienced.

In the present, I am committed to my true, authentic self. In the future I connect with my fearful self, the one who anticipates, who becomes cautious and who ultimately lives in fear.

There are other times, however, when I let myself live in the past. I remember what I should have done, the choices that might have been better, the creative things I could have gone for. I begin to move from presence to the past, from this very moment that is under my control, to looking back on how I might have lived differently.

Even though I cannot in any way change or control my past, I allow myself to feel guilt and shame. I have plenty of material to feel regret, so instead of gaining wisdom from my past and becoming stronger as a result in the moment, I beat myself up, as if there was something I could do about it today.

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Creating a Positive Focus for Success – 5 Essential Questions

As I look back on the clients that I have coached over the past years, I often wonder what the core characteristics are of those who have achieved success in their personal and professional life. There seems to be a common mindset and approach to life that is foundational to their achievement of the things that matter to them.

Let’s take a look at 5 essential questions to ask yourself in order to create the type of focus needed for achieving what you desire in life.

1) “Do I have a laser-focused desire to succeed?”

This question has to do with having the passion and desire that is necessary to succeed: Do you have a passion to:

~ Develop more self-confidence?
~ Become a better public speaker?
~ Identify and overcome any fears that hold you back?
~ Develop a new product or service in your business?
~ Build better personal relationships?
~ Write an article or book?

What would it take to create this kind of laser-focus in order to achieve your dreams? Seeking out a course or a Coach/Mentor can become an important part of achieving the type of passion I am describing. Take charge by seeking out guidance.

2) “Do I expect excellence out of myself?”

~ Do you expect GREAT things in your business and personal life?

~ Do you act like the person that you want to be?

~ Does your commitment to excellence show itself in ALL aspects of your life (health, spiritual, business, family)?”

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The Anxiety-Prone Personality

 

If you struggle with anxiety, or find dealing with pressure or stress challenging, then you likely possess most, if not all, of the following personality traits. Awareness of the areas in yourself that contribute to experiencing a life of anxiety is the first step to overcoming such a challenge. Do any of the following personality characteristics sound like you?

  • You Ignore the Stress Signals Your Body is Sending

Are you someone who doesn’t listen to their body, who pushes themselves without listening for those early warning signals of stress? Do you say to yourself, “Well, I can do one more thing … Even though it’s late and I’m tired, I’ll check just a few more emails tonight … I can’t stand seeing those dishes sitting there, I better clean those.” It’s time to start listening to the stress signals that your body is sending you.

  • You Live by Many Rules and ‘Shoulds’

Do you have a lot of rules and ‘shoulds’ in your thinking? Perhaps you came from a family in which there were a lot of rules and now you find yourself saying, “Oh, I should have done that better”… “I shouldn’t have laid down and taken that nap” … “I should do some work on Saturday morning even though I’m wiped out.” It’s time to stop beating yourself up with the ‘shoulds.’

  • Control Is VERY Important to You

Do you have a need to be in control and for things to be in their place? It’s time to ‘let go’ and take charge of yourself, not the things, or people, around you.

  • You are Competent and Have High Expectations of Self

You are probably known as a very competent, dependable and loyal person. You most likely have high, and probably unrealistic, expectations of yourself. It is when you fall short of those high expectations that you feel guilty, discouraged and end up feeling like a failure, a sort of daily reminder that you’re not good enough. It’s time to give yourself permission to not be perfect and to believe you are enough no matter what you accomplish.

  • You Love Calmness

One of the genetic per-dispositions of severe anxiety is a heightened physical sensitivity to stimuli. As an infant you were more than likely highly sensitive to noise, lights, temperature and all types of stimuli and now, as an adult, it is very important to you for things to be calm. It’s time to create less stress in your life and be ok with not liking large crowds, pressure or feeling like you should be more of an extrovert.

  • Your Motto is: “I can handle it”

Do you have an “I can handle it” attitude? You may rarely ask for help or delegate things to others. You try to do everything yourself. Instead of saying “No, I can’t do that,” you say “Sure I can do it.” It’s time to ask for help and not try to do everything yourself.

  • You Have ‘Black and White’ Thinking

Do you see things as total, all or nothing, black or white? Have you developed a way of thinking that has you living a life with very little emotional freedom? Do you allow yourself to take risks, to be spontaneous and take chances? Black and white thinking is ‘safe’ and obliterates creativity and uniqueness. It’s time to color outside of the lines, to break out of the emotional prison of safety that comes with black and white thinking.

  • You Have a Great Fear Rejection

A greater than normal fear of rejection is a bottom-line issue for those who struggle with anxiety, causing you to not take risks or assert yourself. When you are stressed out, your feelings get stuffed inside, and you become afraid of how you might look to others. It’s time to build a foundation of self-worth where you stop caring so much of what others think, and take more chances in your personal and creative life.

 

The good news is that even though you may have developed many of the above characteristics and ways of thinking, you are not stuck with these! You CAN change. Seek out the resources and guidance necessary to take charge of each of these 8 areas. Quiet the voice within in you that says, “Well, that’s just the way I am” and become intentionally driven to break out of your personal emotional prison.

 

For a No-Charge consultation with Dr. Lazaris to discover how Anxiety Coaching can help you become free of your personal fears, click here to get more information.

Also, you might want to learn more about overcoming anxiety by checking out Dr. Lazaris’ book, From Panic to Peace. Click Here to learn more.