There are few phrases that I hear in my practice as a Performance Coach that are as deadly as, “That’s just the way I am.”

Deadly as in creating a wall, or roadblock, to achieving the goals that are the most meaningful to you. It is a phrase that so many of my clients have tolerated in their life and which, if not challenged and overcome, becomes a belief as true in their thinking as the sun will surely go down tonight. If I have always believed it, then it must be true about myself.

Those who have experienced my style of coaching understand that when I hear such a phrase, I immediately challenge it – as those words cannot be allowed to linger for a moment in your thinking without more damage being caused.

This damage can be in the form of holding back when given an opportunity to move forward in your career (“Well, I would love to be considered for a promotion, yet if it involves giving more presentations, then I will have to decline because…That’s just the way I am, I cannot speak in front of an audience without anxiety”).

“I would love to start my own business, or create a new piece of unique art, or start the book I have always dreamed about but unfortunately I cannot, as I have never felt much confidence in my abilities, because that’s just the way I am.”

Do you avoid or say no or disregard an opportunity to take risks because you have always believed that you are not enough, that it is just the way that you are?