Category Archives: Personal Development

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Creating a Positive Focus for Success – 5 Essential Questions

As I look back on the clients that I have coached over the past years, I often wonder what the core characteristics are of those who have achieved success in their personal and professional life. There seems to be a common mindset and approach to life that is foundational to their achievement of the things that matter to them.

Let’s take a look at 5 essential questions to ask yourself in order to create the type of focus needed for achieving what you desire in life.

1) “Do I have a laser-focused desire to succeed?”

This question has to do with having the passion and desire that is necessary to succeed: Do you have a passion to:

~ Develop more self-confidence?
~ Become a better public speaker?
~ Identify and overcome any fears that hold you back?
~ Develop a new product or service in your business?
~ Build better personal relationships?
~ Write an article or book?

What would it take to create this kind of laser-focus in order to achieve your dreams? Seeking out a course or a Coach/Mentor can become an important part of achieving the type of passion I am describing. Take charge by seeking out guidance.

2) “Do I expect excellence out of myself?”

~ Do you expect GREAT things in your business and personal life?

~ Do you act like the person that you want to be?

~ Does your commitment to excellence show itself in ALL aspects of your life (health, spiritual, business, family)?”

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The Anxiety-Prone Personality

 

If you struggle with anxiety, or find dealing with pressure or stress challenging, then you likely possess most, if not all, of the following personality traits. Awareness of the areas in yourself that contribute to experiencing a life of anxiety is the first step to overcoming such a challenge. Do any of the following personality characteristics sound like you?

  • You Ignore the Stress Signals Your Body is Sending

Are you someone who doesn’t listen to their body, who pushes themselves without listening for those early warning signals of stress? Do you say to yourself, “Well, I can do one more thing … Even though it’s late and I’m tired, I’ll check just a few more emails tonight … I can’t stand seeing those dishes sitting there, I better clean those.” It’s time to start listening to the stress signals that your body is sending you.

  • You Live by Many Rules and ‘Shoulds’

Do you have a lot of rules and ‘shoulds’ in your thinking? Perhaps you came from a family in which there were a lot of rules and now you find yourself saying, “Oh, I should have done that better”… “I shouldn’t have laid down and taken that nap” … “I should do some work on Saturday morning even though I’m wiped out.” It’s time to stop beating yourself up with the ‘shoulds.’

  • Control Is VERY Important to You

Do you have a need to be in control and for things to be in their place? It’s time to ‘let go’ and take charge of yourself, not the things, or people, around you.

  • You are Competent and Have High Expectations of Self

You are probably known as a very competent, dependable and loyal person. You most likely have high, and probably unrealistic, expectations of yourself. It is when you fall short of those high expectations that you feel guilty, discouraged and end up feeling like a failure, a sort of daily reminder that you’re not good enough. It’s time to give yourself permission to not be perfect and to believe you are enough no matter what you accomplish.

  • You Love Calmness

One of the genetic per-dispositions of severe anxiety is a heightened physical sensitivity to stimuli. As an infant you were more than likely highly sensitive to noise, lights, temperature and all types of stimuli and now, as an adult, it is very important to you for things to be calm. It’s time to create less stress in your life and be ok with not liking large crowds, pressure or feeling like you should be more of an extrovert.

  • Your Motto is: “I can handle it”

Do you have an “I can handle it” attitude? You may rarely ask for help or delegate things to others. You try to do everything yourself. Instead of saying “No, I can’t do that,” you say “Sure I can do it.” It’s time to ask for help and not try to do everything yourself.

  • You Have ‘Black and White’ Thinking

Do you see things as total, all or nothing, black or white? Have you developed a way of thinking that has you living a life with very little emotional freedom? Do you allow yourself to take risks, to be spontaneous and take chances? Black and white thinking is ‘safe’ and obliterates creativity and uniqueness. It’s time to color outside of the lines, to break out of the emotional prison of safety that comes with black and white thinking.

  • You Have a Great Fear Rejection

A greater than normal fear of rejection is a bottom-line issue for those who struggle with anxiety, causing you to not take risks or assert yourself. When you are stressed out, your feelings get stuffed inside, and you become afraid of how you might look to others. It’s time to build a foundation of self-worth where you stop caring so much of what others think, and take more chances in your personal and creative life.

 

The good news is that even though you may have developed many of the above characteristics and ways of thinking, you are not stuck with these! You CAN change. Seek out the resources and guidance necessary to take charge of each of these 8 areas. Quiet the voice within in you that says, “Well, that’s just the way I am” and become intentionally driven to break out of your personal emotional prison.

 

For a No-Charge consultation with Dr. Lazaris to discover how Anxiety Coaching can help you become free of your personal fears, click here to get more information.

Also, you might want to learn more about overcoming anxiety by checking out Dr. Lazaris’ book, From Panic to Peace. Click Here to learn more.

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My Life Changing Gift to You (Encore Post)

My Gift

I would like to give you a gift. Yes, I have something in my possession that, if you accept it, will change your life in ways that you never dreamed possible. My gift is free. I ask nothing in return. You can accept it and share it with others if you choose. In fact, I believe that there are others around you who would be eternally grateful to you for giving them such an amazing and priceless gift.

All that I ask of you, should you decide to accept my gift, is that you take some time to think about the implications of such a gift. Do not accept it if you do not feel ready to let it take you to new and exciting places. My gift has the potential to create both amazing possibilities as well as sheer terror at the same time! Happiness and fear … amazement and caution … belief and disbelief.

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Mental Toughness for Outrageous Achievement

 

As a contributing author to the amazing online magazine, 21st Century Drummer, here is my recent article “Mental Toughness for Outrageous Achievement (page 66).”

Click on the image above to access the magazine and article.

It contains valuable principles to take your performance (and life) to the next level. I that hope you enjoy it!

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Words That Kill Creativity (Part 2)

“When we argue for our limitations, we get to keep them.” ~ Evelyn Waugh

As I shared in Part 1 of this discussion, the words that we tell ourselves can be so powerful and destructive that they can kill off our creativity and the child-like joy of doing our creative work until it becomes a chore and sometimes even a nightmare. Yes, words can kill and rob us of our chance to give our absolute personal best to a world in need of what we have to offer.

In addition to the 5 killer words I have previously shared with you, I’d like to present 6 more words that have the potential to kill off who you are as a creative, whether in your art, writing or performing.

6. “It’s hard”

Nothing will kill off accomplishment and productivity as will a belief that something is too hard or that we aren’t quite ready for such a big dream or goal. So, we destroy the child-like, wide-eyed vision of what could be and replace it with a scaled down version of our dream.

7. “Yes, but…”

Another sneaky killer here. It appears at first as if you are agreeing to go for it, then out of nowhere comes that little “but” to minimize and scale back the possibilities of what you might create.

8. “I should”

Never has there been such an oppressive and murderous word such as ‘should’. Inherent within it is the message that we are small and unable to decide for our self what is best and will serve us – ‘shoulds’ always come from external sources and soon take residence in our head.

9. “Tomorrow, Tomorrow…

…I love ya, tomorrow, you’re always a day away.”

Apparently, Annie was also lied to as she sang how she should wait till tomorrow because it must be better than today. Studies have revealed that many, at the end of their life, regret waiting for ‘tomorrow’ and realize, much too late, that they had allowed their entire life to be emotionally killed off by waiting for just the right time, the right person or for someone to give them permission.

10. “If only”

This is the first cousin to “what if” – Rather than looking ahead in anxious anticipation, we kill the present moment and opportunity by looking back in regret. Precious energy is spent looking back, not to learn and move forward, but in feeling sad at what might have been. “If only I had …”

11. “Survive”

Disco queen Gloria Gaynor, in 1978, repeated this word over and over in her song “I Will Survive” in response to feeling sorry for herself after heartbreak. Her goal was to survive, not thrive. Without a commitment to move forward in bold and dramatic ways, we often allow our dreams to stay frozen in a ‘safe’ place until they die off, one at a time.

Fortunately, “I Will Survive” was followed up in 1979 by Patrick Hernandez who sang “Born to Be Alive!” Over and over in the chorus were words that help us avoid dying and encourage us to go beyond safety …

“You were born, born to be ALIVE!”

I encourage you to listen for any killer words that you tell yourself.

Replace them with affirming, uplifting and empowering words that will set the stage to allow you to soar to new heights in your work as artists, performers and in business.

Remember, as a creator you were born to be ALIVE!

 

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It’s Time to Dance

(Encore Post)

Ballroom Dancers.


“Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.”
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

~ Do you live with “What if” thinking?

~ Do you avoid an outrageous life because of what others might think of you?

~ Do you always seem to be getting ready to start? “Tomorrow… Someday.”

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you are not alone. Most of my coaching clients report being afraid to go for their dreams out of fear that they would look foolish, make a mistake or be rejected. In fact, I used to struggle with very similar feelings and fears.

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When Your World Stops Turning

(Encore Post)

 

Love Makes the World

Closing night. Full house. Final performance of an outstanding original musical, “Love Makes the World Go ‘Round,” written and directed by Vanda Eggington and presented by The American Coast Theater Company. I am seated with my wife Ramona in the second row, center, as we proudly watch our son Nicholas perform as part of a wonderful cast.

A revolving stage, painted as a map of the world, placed the actors at just the appropriate place for them to sing and dance each number. The stage turned every time, perfectly, during each performance for several weeks – until it abruptly stopped during the final act on the final night, leaving each actor out of position and facing every which way but the right one.

My heart sank, as I imagined each actor thinking frantically what their next move would be to adjust to their new stage setting.