I recently returned from what I have to call the most amazing Conference, and community of people, that I have attended in my 38 years as a Performance Psychologist.

‘Amazing’ is a pretty worn out word these days that has lost its meaning due to overuse. Yet, the Tribe Conference, as Webster states in his dictionary, caused “astonishment, great wonder and surprise.”

Yes, it was that good.

For 3 days in Franklin, Tennessee, I sat in a room of 250 people, all of whom desired only one specific thing: to make a difference in the lives of others through their creativity, whether it be through visual or performing arts, speaking or writing. (A special thanks to the creator and organizer of Tribe, New York Times best selling author Jeff Goins)

In my last 2 Posts I have been sharing about how certain words can kill our creativity. In this Post, I would like to share some of the words that I heard from speakers at the Tribe Conference that focused on how we can take our gifts into the world for the purpose of changing lives for the better.

Not words that kill, but words that give us permission to do our best work.

If you have ever attended a conference in the past, you more than likely came home with a notebook full of scribbled down ideas, most of which got put on a shelf, never to be referred to again. I decided to go through my own notes from the conference and share some of my key takeaways.

Takeaway #1: “Fear comes alongside doing something new”

Tim Grahl, author of Running Down A Dream: Your Road Map to Winning Creative Battles, gave a powerful presentation about the role fear plays in our artistic lives. He encouraged us to push outside of our self-imposed boundaries of safety.

Identify what fears are paralyzing and keeping you from letting your creativity be fully expressed. Fear, Tim said, “is a sign that we are doing something right.”

Take risks in your creative work.

Takeaway #2: You cannot stand out and fit in at the same time

Chase Jarvis reinforced this idea of trying to be accepted by fitting in with others (a theme throughout the Conference), of being so concerned what others think that we “settle into the narcotic of external validation” (Todd Henry).

Paul Angone talked about OCD – Obsessive Comparison Disorder, that of putting our focus on what others think of us.

“What is something you would love to do, that you are not doing because

you are afraid you’re going to do it wrong, or it won’t be good enough?” (Melissa Dinwiddie)

Takeaway #3: “Die Empty”

Todd Henry shared these words as he encouraged each of us to not take our best work to the grave. In other words, he encouraged us to stop procrastinating and searching for perfection.

Do your work now and stop putting off creating so that you can, as Todd shared,

“Make something that you love for someone who will love it.”

Speaker Ali Worthington, author of Fierce Faith and The Year of Living Happy summed up what the Conference as a whole was encouraging us as creatives to do:

~ Show Up (Do the work)

~ Be Real (Take a risk and be your authentic self)

~ Love Others (Do not hold back your gifts from the world)

~ Don’t quit (Persevere and push forward no matter what the obstacle)

Now, go out and make amazing work that will cause “astonishment, great wonder and surprise” in the community that you serve!

“Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones,
but Words Will Never Hurt Me.

You were lied to. Yes, those adults (teachers, parents, Sunday school teachers) who told you to trust them flat out LIED to you. Oh, I am sure that they meant well. In fact, I would bet that they were told the same lie when they were young.

The lie is that words do hurt you – in fact, I would go as far as to say that some words are so powerful that they have the potential to actually KILL you!

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

The dictionary definition of ‘kill’ is to deprive of life in any manner; to put an end to; to defeat.

Throughout my years of coaching, I have seen client after client whose emotions, spirit, belief in themselves, and hope for a wonderful life were shattered and destroyed by words they were told when they were a child. As a result, the joy of creativity and performing is defeated.

Most of you would agree that words can hurt others. Yet, I am talking here about words that we tell ourselves as adults that continue to ‘kill’ our dreams, aspirations and potential – whether in our creative endeavors, our relationships and in our ability to perform at the highest level.

Each day, as you say any of the following words to yourself, you get closer and closer to killing off who you are and might become.

Here are 5 words that kill. In my next Post I will share 6 more ‘killer’ words.

1. “Wishing and Hoping”

Dionne Warwick said it right when she sang that if we sit around and wish and hope for good things to come into our lives, we will be waiting a very long time. As she states, “Wishing and hoping won’t get you into his arms…show him that you care, do the things…hold him…” How often do we wish for what we want rather than go out and get it? These words will kill your chances for getting what you want.

2. “Maybe”

“Maybe” is a very safe word that will quietly destroy any possibility of creative spontaneity or joy in your life. It’s what I call the ‘gray zone’ in life where a lack of commitment to go for it kills your chances to discover new worlds. It holds you back from the necessary ‘Yes’ that leads to amazing accomplishments.

“One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to
lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” ~Andre Gide

3. “What if…”

Looking ahead in anxious anticipation will kill off any chance of experiencing the present moment. So often we miss what is right in front of us by nervously looking ahead in fear. Learning to say “So what!” as you step out of fear leads to taking creative charge of yourself. (See my Post for more on this.)

4. “Yes”

Often we say “yes” to others out of a fear of being rejected. Without the ability to say a clear, simple and firm “No” we run the risk of losing ourselves and becoming extensions of what others want or think is best for us. Pursue you creative dreams without by saying “No” to anything that slows you down or dilutes your focus. (For tips on becoming more assertive, see my Post )

5. “Getting ready…”

My wife Ramona often tells me that I seem to always be ‘getting ready’ to do my work rather than actually doing the task! In fact, sometimes you might even catch me getting ready to get ready! Are you letting fear or the desire to get it just right keep you from starting? What would you accomplish if you stopped getting ready and committed to doing something consistently?

In order to move ahead, whether as an artist, performer or in life, begin to listen for these 5 killer words that you tell yourself. As I often say to my clients, the bad news is that the obstacle is in your head. The good news is that the solution is also in your head – you can begin to change the words that have defeated you in the past! You can take charge of your inner conversation and move forward.

Question: What words do you tell yourself that create inner obstacles and gets in the way of achieving the things that matter to you? Please share your comments below.